Pressing On

So, my church has a summer women's bible study group, and knowing that I need community in the next few months that I'm home, I joined.

Little did I know that Jesus was preparing to wreck my world once again in his glorious way...

We're doing a study called the Character Makeover, basically focusing on different characteristics we should have, think we have, etc..but don't because, well, I don't know about you, but I tend to lie to myself on a consistent basis.

While I was only there for half the study because of appointments...I still got a smack over the head in an oh so gracious and loving way of course (Thank you Father for being gentle but firm)

We ranked our top three character flaws according to a survey (ouch), and what I thought was going to rank didn't...oh no...it was the other things that I just like to push under the rug and say...too much Lord, not right now, later, when life slows down! (like it ever will...).... Pride, Fear, Quitting.

Pride was not a huge shock....I mentioned last month that support raising is a huge gut check for pride because I literately have no control and I have to humble myself to ask people. I feel like it puts my reputation on the line and Satan makes me feel like I'm begging. False, but He still tries.

Fear- Never thought of Courage as something I didn't have...I mean I'm courageous right?? I think I was seriously missing the fact that adventurous and courageous have nothing in common...I know I'm anxious-I'm a girl, my brain is wires and it does not turn off- But really, I lack courage father? Aye. I mean...I guess I see it.....

Quitting- aaaaand gut check. I struggle with perseverance. Ouch. Maybe that's why I feel like quitting every day because this support raising this is HARD. AYE. Thought that was natural...apparently not. Apparently, I like the easy path in life, I mean I recognize that, who doesn't like the easy path!? (See me making excuses?!)

I say this to you all because I need prayer. I believe in being vulnerable. This isn't my whole broken heart pouring out story, it's just real life. News flash, I'm not perfect, I need Jesus. I'm in the midst of something that is challenging all three of these flaws. I mean, I literately almost started laughing when I scored everything up and these three came out on top.  Like. Seriously Lord? Seriously? Hoookay. Pull up the boot straps, it's time for a revamp.

But, as much as I know it's going to hurt (most likely, all conviction is painful for a time), if I can conquer these three areas of my life, or at least become aware there's a problem, and have a game plan to work on them...My ministry in Paris is going to be SO much better off!! No one wants someone living in fear and wanting to quit every day to be there!! So, I'm pressing on for change.

How can I be praying for you guys?

Blessings,
Heather