Throwing Caution to the Wind

I'm doing what?? I'M DOING WHAT?!
These are the thoughts that plague my mind from time to time, especially after the weekend that made it all official back in mid-April. I mean, if I wasn't already an anxious person, I have full right to be now right?

Wrong.

The Lord says do not be anxious about anything. He says do not fear. He says it in so many words, so many times, it apparently adds up to around 366.  That's a lot of times.  And yet, I wake up in panic over graduating, over life changing, over what He is calling me to next...

Paris.

What Lord??

Paris.

Seriously??  But...But....It's not normal to pick up and leave everything, to have to raise money to live on, to...to....the list goes on. It was fine raising for one time, but...for monthly support, to REALLY lean on you to provide all that I'll need....That's not normal!!!

Yeah, I know it doesn't seem normal now-a-days, but who cares

WHO CARES?! I CARE!! I have a reputation, I have dignity, I have my parents dignity, I'm a college grad-u-ate! I should be safe, comfortable and cozy!! I should, I should......

Now, does that sound like what I call you too in my Word? Do I call you to safety, or...do I call you to trust me? To trust that I have you're best interest at heart..To trust me in EVERYTHING even the tiniest thing...


I really need to learn my lesson and stop arguing with God...He will always win.  See these are things that we (Jesus and I) fought through because He has called me to be a laboring in Paris this up-coming year with CRU, the US ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ, and that. is. terrifying.  YET, I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else.  How does that work?! Yet to get that answer...

So, naturally, when I freak out and say okay Lord, show me, show me this is where you want me! He answers.  Not in a whispering of my ear (how AWESOME would that be?! Lord, this is my problem, Heather, this is your answer. Boom done.) 

No, he whispers to my heart instead.  This is what that looks like: It looks like worship songs that randomly pop on the radio or on my itunes shuffle that were my anthem when raising support the last time around, or when I was really struggling in Paris, or songs we sung as a congregation at the church in Paris.  It looks like sermons that talk about throwing caution to the wind because we have a great King who is fixing the world to bring it to Himself, and He WILL catch us. It looks like friends who patiently listen to me rant/encourage me all the way through it by quoting me scripture. It's people who are supportive and excited to send me.  It's my parents step of faith to let me go so far away, and their willingness to support me because they have that option not too. It's everything friends, He is everything, and everywhere saying Look here Heather, now over here, I promise you, I've got this, just move, just ask, I'll take care of the rest.

My biggest encouragement the past two weeks comes from Mark 5- Jairus and the Bleeding woman.
This has always been one of my most favorite stories tucked inside the pages of scripture.  While glancing over it, it seems just normal, yet slightly out of place.  But, the faith of these individuals is what I was shown over the past two weeks..Both Jairus and the woman had "throwing caution to the wind" faith.  Jairus was a pharisee, he put aside culture because he KNEW Jesus could save his daughter, he put aside his reputation, his culture, everything for the sake of something that was more important to him then his own life.  The woman did the same.  She was a cast out, unclean, for 12+ years she hadn't been in society.  She risked making Jesus unclean (which of course he can't be made unclean, but she didn't know that), she risked not being healed at all, she risked getting stoned by Jairus because she stopped Jesus from going to his house as fast as possible. Let's meditate on that for a second..She risked death to be healed. She had to move, she had no other option anymore! She had to throw caution to the wind and risk it all.

And Jesus, oh my Savior in these stories, He is gracious, kind, merciful, calming, healing, and providing. He took care of them and time did not matter to Him, even with death knocking at the door. Jesus, my Jesus, is not bound by time, money, or even death.  He is my all, and my rock.

I'm so excited to see where this journey of throwing caution to the wind takes me. 
Much love,
Heather