I was processing some with our new French intern about life in Paris... She lived in America for a while so it's fun to talk cultural differences with her, and while she's French, her parents are from Haiti, thus she's just all over the place culture wise, and I love hearing her insight..
She asked my how I liked Soriée J'ai Faim which is associated with agape street team that is our homeless ministry in Paris. Last Monday was sadly my first time going. My laziness is my only excuse for not going.
I went in uneasy about what was going to happen. I've been a hypocrite in certain aspects the Christian life in Paris. I knew I had been. There are so many homeless and what have I done? Give a few cents here or there. Judge the kid and his creepily human cat on our street who has an iPhone yet still has a J'ai Faim ( I'm hungry) sign. I was broken here at first. Then, you kind of just block them about because there's so many you just don't know who to give to and then you begin to be skeptical because of kids like the iPhone 5 dude. Do they really even need the money?!
Needless to say, the longer I was here, the more cynical I became. I judged. I hardened. I ignored. I avoided. I got sketched out. I dehumanized the city.
It's so easy to dehumanize this city. Especially when you really can't get far with the language. It's so hard to connect with anyone anyways, but to stay connected to the city seems like an impossibility. Everyone looks like shells of humans on the metro, walking the sidewalks. Everyone is in their own world that doesn't involve you. So, you don't involve them. Or anyone else if you can help it.
It really bothers me. I love relationships. I love connecting on a deep level. I love checking the pulse of my friends and those around me. But, I got used to being a shell. I called it "fitting into the culture". Paul says we should be all things to all people but where is the line? Where is the line where culture becomes irrelevant and the Kingdom takes over.
Soriée J'ai Faim wrecked me. I'm not proud of what I'm typing. But I think it's needed and real so that maybe you can start taking the pulse of things around you too.
I didn't know what homeless ministry would hold. But, I knew I wasn't necessarily going to meet normal people. Thats when God stepped in and blew that lie wide open.
We were out and ya know everything was fairly normal. Normal homeless. Normal handing out food and clothes. Then, we walked up to Latecia. At first she was standoffish, and I was fairly certain we weren't going to get anywhere. Then, a girl, who is literately a walking a example of Christ on earth, slowly broke down her walls. Soon, Latecia flipped the hood of her coat back, and we're all talking and laughing with her. We found out that she is an immigrant, and things just haven't happened like she thought they would. Then, we noticed her coat had a huge hole in the sleeve. So, we dug through our bags to see if any of the coats would fit her. We found one, and after about five minutes, we convinced her the coat is free and hers. Her face made my night, and I'll forever remember her checking with us about twenty times to make sure that it was for her (and free).
She was so....human. I should not have been so surprised that she was so normal, just down on her luck. But, as I was thinking, I realized why she was so standoffish at first, and so thankful at the end. The reason? Because thousands of people pass her on a daily basis and don't give a damn. Excuse my language but the expression don't give a damn- damn is actually an old measurement of money. (Thus, it actually truly fits this situation)
I have become one of those "I don't give a damn" people to the homeless that are in my frequented metro stops, and on my street. I could have been one of those people to Latecia because she was in an area that I have frequented some. It kills me. How dare I. Who do I think I am?
Now the question is what am I going to do about it? In my last weeks here, I want to make a difference. I want to shock them with my humanness. I don't want to care about what they do with the money. I just want to reclaim what this city has scabbed over. I want my heart to break and bleed for these people again.
I want to show them that some one does in fact give more then a damn about them…Me and ultimately Jesus.
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