Valentine's Day

Jesus and I have had a rough relationship over the past semester. I mean look at the blog.

Gracious.

 Over mid-year, I realized a lot of ways I wasn't letting God love me. I kept seeing all the bad as bad instead of as loving actions. As if He didn't know I was going to have a rough semester. (Sometimes…Sometimes I'm such a dumb human, Jesus knows this, we've talked a LOT about it, somehow He's still perfectly understanding..mm) 

Anyways. After mid-year, I set out on a hunt. A hunt to a) recognize how I was rejecting God's love, and b) to pay more attention to HOW He loves me specifically. He loves each of us in our own unique way, and sometimes I'm jealous with the way He loves others (dumb human... established). So, how does God love me. How? How. 

Well, there have been no neon signs, no cupid's falling out of the sky, no BIG, I LOVE YOU shaking me until I get it into my head (which would be nice) moments, because let's face it. That's not typically how God operates... However, I am starting to notice...God is touching me at my core. Through my relationships with others. 

Friends are so important to me. I didn't realize how much until practically all of them were time zones away. I recognized at some point last semester that they had actually moved themselves into idol status. 

How? Well, God's always operated through others with me.  We talk of course, but when I experience God most tangibly is when I get to sit down with someone, and we just talk about God and how he's moving, what he's doing in us etc. That had become my crutch to a certain degree. As I haven't gotten a lot of that here (at all) I realize now why it felt like God stopped loving me.  With that realization, I have to look back on last semester and mark different ways that were instances of God loving me completely differently then I've ever experienced. It's still a slow process, but I know that's one of the many reasons He pulled me out and placed me here. To take our relationship to the next level without others involved.  When everything falls away- It's me and Him in it for the long haul. 

But, alas, even though it's been so hard, and nearly a complete re-direct. I have a Valentine's day present from Him. His love overwhelmed me this morning as I thought about it more during a prayer meeting.  

I have a dear friend studying abroad right now. So, we're still some distance apart (aka no tangible heart friends close by, thus, God's goal is still on point)..

But, this friend has a Parisian student as a flat mate. Alas, not just any Parisian student, but a student from.my.campus. That is rare. I mean there are hundreds of universities in Paris. Yet, this blessed friend, who's so crazy in love with Jesus and a soul sister, has joined my ministry for this semester. She's helping to bring the gospel to my campus, no matter the distance. She's on my team. 

And here I was, just feeling the blessing of having another friend over on this side of the pond! 

But, for God to show his care for my ministry on top of my relationships, and allowing, even completely unbeknownst to either of us, to join together for a high purpose…blows my mind. He didn't have to do that…at all..but it overwhelms my heart, and I'm so grateful.