Look Up.

I've been going through a lot of wrestling with the Lord recently. By a lot, I mean A LOT. It's consumed my quiet times and my moments of peace. My brain is always thinking, questioning, doubting, and yelling at God. It's not a pretty sight. Yet, he's constant, and it took a field trip out of the city for my gaze to be opened.  We (the team) went on a random Saturday adventure to the Chateau Fountainebleau.

As I was wandering through it, in awe, I keep seeing ceilings upon ceilings of beauty.  When my mom was visiting a few weeks ago, every time I took her somewhere, I made sure to say "Look up mom, Look up!" I caught myself thinking that every time I entered a room at Fountainebleau.

That's when I heard a whisper in my soul.  "Look up Heather, Look up", "Look at the beauty above, and that I have set over you instead of focusing down on your circumstances. Focus on me". 

I've been focusing on the ground, on the dog poo, gum covered ground, and the hole-filled/squeaky wood floors instead I should be raising my gaze to the beauty above me. To the gorgeous monuments and ceilings.

My view of God has been tiny, hidden by my feelings and circumstances. I've had a near-sighted view of God. But, when I stepped back and looked up, I could actually see God in the situation.  See him moving and working in me and in the ministry.  He is the beauty. He is the ornate. He sees the big picture, and I need to trust him in that.

Hear my cry, O God,
    listen to my prayer; 

 from the end of the earth I call to you
    when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
    that is higher than I, 

 for you have been my refuge,
    a strong tower against the enemy.

Psalm 61:1-3