To be known.

Oh friends, I apologize for the lack of blogging over the past three weeks!!

I laugh at my first post with all the excitement of getting settled in and a routine being set in place- yeah- that process technically still isn't done... Going to the bank was a victory, but it took a week and a half to get plugged into the online account, money transferred, and another week and a half to get rent paid etc.  SO, first thing down, we've now paid rent. Praises... Now, we're working on getting utilities set up in my name, and TRYING to get our cellphones.. (refer to Facebook to find out those shenanigans) 

Basically, the French have no idea what instant gratification means...... So, a month and half a week without a cellphone is starting to wear on us (the girls), our team mostly have phones- it's just us.  Living in the dark ages (or ya know, ten years ago) giving REALLY specific directions, and if the person isn't there on time- panic begins to ensue..it's great fun.

As for routine.. what is that?? HOPEFULLY, this is the week. THE week of a routine starting to slowly be built into place. Language has started- meetings are set in stone- and campus life is starting to slowly take shape.  Of course, there will still be a lot of flexibility, but it's structure..of some sort. 

Anyways, I guess all of that is an overview of just life in general right now... more specifically though..

Adjustment has been hard.  The root I'm struggling with the most right now is just to feel known. That's like the theme in my life right now.  I just want to be known, which can cause a person to become very grumpy, very quickly..

{I guess I just didn't even think about it when I was preparing to leave...That I was leaving everyone who knows me (loves and accepts me), I know the language, I know how to communicate non-verbally and verbally, I know the things you need to know!}

I was comfortable in all my knowledge! And all was well!

Until I left....

Until I moved permantely away for months... not just a few weeks.

See, project was nearly over by now. We technically had a week and a half left right now (of our six week project)...So, all the adjustment was fast- not speaking the language- no big deal.. "everyone speaks great english".. making best friends in two days..sure!!

All that changes when setting up life takes place.

This one of Satan's biggest foothold in my life right now.  Struggling with being known by my team, by the students, by random people I interact with....

And things build.. At first, it was easy to talk in broken conversations, or just sit there and listen to francophones talk with the french students.  But now, I crave to know what's going on, to see where the Lord is moving in the conversations, to be able to communicate with the students in their native tongue because even though they speak English, a lot of times they can't think of the vocabulary words just like I can't in french!! So, maybe I feel for them now too....speaking another language is HARD.  All of it just compounds throughout the day, and then Satan is sitting there being all jerkish...Another example, at first, it was funny that the french have no comprehension of my name, cute even.  But now, it's one of those grating things that I'm in a culture where I literately don't exist (at least this is what Satan tries to tell me).  I've had to come up with a starbucks name just to make life easier. Which this is all hugely ironic, since I've never been this huge fan of my name, but after all...it is my name. 

But, there's always a bright spot somewhere.. Oh yeah, that's Jesus :) 

I mean, let's be honest, one of my biggest motivations for stint besides love of the french, was getting out of my comfort zone.  I KNEW the Lord would use it to grow me and stretch me- welp- it's working.  There is no way in America I'd be dealing with these feelings unless I got a job and moved states, but even then, I wouldn't have the language barrier.  I have to remind myself daily that God knowing me is the ONLY thing that matters. When teammates look at me weird cuz of my quirkiness, or the barista at Starbucks spells my name "either", or when I have to stick to surface level because the student doesn't know spiritual vocabulary...Ultimately, it does not matter.  God knows me.  He knows the students. He cares and He provides.

To be a functional human being not riding the emotional roller-coaster, I need to fully place myself in the contentment of the Lord to be satisfied.  To believe that He knows me.  To believe He gives only good gifts. To believe that this is the best for me.  To believe that even surface level conversations touch the students. To believe that my wingman prayers in french conversations are heard and known. I have to be fully reliant on the Lord.  He knows me.  He knows my heart. He loves me.

I am known.